he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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