Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
