I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
