Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
