Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
