Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
