I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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