I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
