I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
