piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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