Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
