it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You've changed since you got that strap on
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Text me some of your sweat
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
