It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
