Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
