so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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