I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
