So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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