Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
