Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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