Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
