wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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