filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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