dude i'm inner monologue high
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
