new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
