dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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