At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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