I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
