I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize