This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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