I never want to see another naked old woman again.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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