Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
