Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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