Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
