Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the day after is always just damage control
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
