My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
