So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
