me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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