its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize