My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
