A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont even know how to be here
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize