Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
