his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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