Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
