So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
