Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
