Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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