i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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