I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
