You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
