Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
where am i from again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize