There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
