the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
