It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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