I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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