i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
