well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
