a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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