let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
