im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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