No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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