Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
