A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
