I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
