so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
