If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
