The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
