Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
