Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
