Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize