GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
