if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
