my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
