I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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