Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
