I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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