as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
