What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
