Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
