He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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