he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
