my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
