And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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