now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
