Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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