oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
