Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
