Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
