My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
