ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
