His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
