We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
