fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
