the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How does one acquire holy water?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
