it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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