she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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