I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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