real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
