If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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