what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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